This morning I went looking for my sarcasm and my sense of humor, or, I could have called this post “An Ode to the Super Selfish Romper Room Neophytes That Tried to Kill Me but Now is NOT the Time.” Really, now is not the time. People are really hurting each other out there so it’s totes inappropes to rant and be sarcastic about people who pissed me off with their childish crap. But, I just can not take it. I mean, I just don’t have another understanding “Hallmark Moment” available to me for people who are insensitive ass-hats and I may not ever again. Their pain is glorious, and no one else exists. Well, don’t come to my door or call me no more because I haven’t got time for the pain. She used to be so nice and easy to take advantage of, what happened?
Everything seems so glum and so heavy and so serious, because it is. People are rioting and protesting and I totally picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. That isn’t even a joke, I decided to quit drinking coming up on two months ago now. It just seemed like time. And then California had to go and pick now to legalize marijuana! Isn’t that the way? It’s more fun to get into the bar when you aren’t yet twenty-one? Well, “no, no, no, I don’t smoke it no more, tired of waking up on the floor.” So, I even have it figured out what I’ll say if it ever comes up, I don’t drink, because I drank, and I was really good at it for a while. Really, it was simply time to quit. I’ve quit before and it didn’t stick because I wasn’t ready yet. I never really liked drinking, but, I had some stuff that I was trying to drown and I didn’t realize that was it. It wasn’t too terribly difficult to quit either, I have to say, physically at least. About three weeks in kind of sucked, but, it would have been tougher had I gone on, if you see what I’m saying. It also felt kind of like a “Been there, done that” kind of a thing. There have been a few bad moments, re: that stuff I was trying to drown. That’s also why I went looking for my sarcasm and my sense of humor this morning. I mean, My GAWD, couldn’t we have a shiny happy people holding hands kind of a world thing going on right now? Instead of…
Then, too, as in, also, I kind of thought, Sobriety, The Final Frontier. It’s odd, like a drug of its own, like the next adventure, at this point. Let’s be really daring and see what the world looks like with the beer goggles off! I’ve wanted to be clean and sober for a long time now. I want be that person that gets up early, eats granola and like, Kashi cereals, and drinks more Smart Water than any other normal human, annoyingly healthy and well adjusted. That sounds like a lot of work, Teri. ( Gawd, doesn’t it though? also, me saying that I want to be that person, if I need or want help with that I will ask, at no point in time is my voicing a “want” an invitation to meddle. I could be being sarcastic. )
Here’s the thing, I love a good wallow now and then, and I’ve got a list of reasons as long as my leg not to want to get out of bed, some really bad, dark, tough, stuff, I mean, I don’t even know how I’m still on this planet. I’m not exaggerating. I’ve also got a list of reasons as long as my leg to pull myself up and get on with it, not the least of which is that I’m still here on this planet, there’s still breath in this body, this heart is still beating, and those reasons are way more important.
So, I’m trying to be all professional and keep it cool and reigned in on my main page but dammit, doesn’t this always happen? I realized, having another page is kind of like a pressure release valve for me. Something ridiculous, someplace to let fly. Because, really?
Every day starts at 100% potentially terrific. I didn’t get up early this morning. There’s tomorrow, you know?