Believing Again.

I pulled these quotes from other authors from facebook.

From Author Elizabeth Gilbert….
“BITTERNESS
Dear Ones –
I’ve always loved this quote, from WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés.

There is such deep truth in this statement — that all of us will have to choose at some point in our lives whether to become bitter or not. And she is right — the choice usually comes in middle age.
Why? Because if you have been around for three or four or five decades, the fact is — some really crappy things have probably happened to you…just by EXISTING.
You’ve been dumped; you’ve been lied to; you’ve been betrayed; you’ve been physically harmed; you’ve been disappointed; you’ve disappointed yourself; you’ve had people fail you and you have failed yourself; you’ve been fired; you’ve been discriminated against; you’ve been unfairly blamed; you’ve been taken for granted; you’ve been stricken with disease; you’ve been impoverished; you’ve lost the people you loved most in the world; you’ve been screwed and sued and abused and used…
I don’t care who you are, or how pretty your life may look from the outside — after a certain number of years, it’s just a fact: some shit has gone seriously wrong for you.
But this is where the interesting part begins.
Because now you have choice.
What kind of a person are you going to be, from here on out?
What’s the rest of your life going to look like?
If you decide to become a bitter person, who could blame you? Chances are, you have a list of offenses as long as your arm to justify that choice. The world is a hellhole full of liars and scumbags, and you are its victim, and you can produce 87 reasons to prove it — and nobody can dispute your claims, because it’s all TRUE.

Or, you can become something else.
There are two kinds of happiness, after all. There is “innocent happiness”, and there is “weathered happiness.”
Innocent happiness is the sunshine happiness that comes (usually in youth) when nothing bad has ever happened to you. This is the easiest happiness there is. It’s the gift of not knowing better. It’s sweet and naive and blessed. It’s lovely and sugary…and guaranteed — eventually the world will beat it out of you.
After that, you have a choice. You can turn bitter, or you can embrace what I call “weathered happiness.” There is nothing naive about weathered happiness. It is fought for. (It is often even fought AGAINST.)
Here is how you earn weathered happiness — by fighting for the light, even when all signs points to darkness. You dig through your history with tweezers and you pull up every single scrap of evidence of goodness that has ever happened to you, and build a lifeboat for yourself out of that goodness.
And there is goodness, when you stubbornly search for it.
You hold onto EVERY bit of evidence of grace that the world has ever demonstrated to you — no matter how small or glancing — and you build your new life upon it.
Every person who has ever shown you a kindness – you put them in your file of evidence. (Because even when you were being betrayed by everyone, you were not being betrayed by EVERYONE; there was someone, at some moment, who showed you a kindness…even if it was just for a day. Even if it was just for five minutes on the bus.)
Every act of generosity you ever received, or witnessed, or participated it — you file it away, and cling to it.
Every tiny bit of luck that ever happened to you — even if it’s just finding a penny on a sidewalk — you stuff it in your pocket and you say THANK YOU.
Every moment of beauty you ever got to see — you hoard it.
Most of all, you grab every scrap of evidence that life has MEANING. And if none of the standard paradigms of meaning (standardized religion, for instance) work for you — then you create your own damn meaning.
You take all this evidence of goodness, and you put it in your boat, and you sail that boat away into the LIGHT. Most of all, you absolutely and categorically refuse to become bitter, no matter what the hell WHAT. You leave that to others.
After all that has happened to you, you may say, “My innocence is gone. I will never be the same.”
That is true. You will never be the same
But it’s possible that you will be BETTER.
Up to you.
ONWARD, LG” ( author, Liz Gilbert )

What also sometimes happens in life is that we get bombarded, too much at once, or too many things in a row, and that can make it feel or seem like a difficult or trying time is never going to end. And then there are all of the issues of forgiveness.

To say that I’ve been through the proverbial wringer more than once would be something of an understatement. It takes time to get to the place again of understanding and knowing that forgiving other people isn’t about them or for them, that that is for me. It takes time after that to be able to do it, to forgive, to let it go, to let go of the hurt.

 And then is the place of forgiving one’s self.
Having cut loose of every other thing of whatever else whoever else did or didn’t do, then there’s dealing with myself and forgiving myself for being human as well, for being fallible and imperfect. I’m quite good at pin pointing my own mistakes so it makes things acutely clear in some instances though hopefully that will help in avoiding those same mistakes in the future, and for being afraid.

You would think that after going through so much of whatever it is in life and being alive for this long and surviving…What is there to be afraid of?

Believing again.
Believing again that things will be good, that it isn’t all going to go to hell in a hand basket again the moment that I let myself believe in something good or trust someone or allow myself to enjoy something or be happy. Believing again that life can be good again, that it is good, and that it’s all right to forgive myself for not having been perfect, for not having lived up to my own expectations.

The idea of believing again is terrifying because it wasn’t the first time that the rug’s been pulled out from under me, or that I’d been blindsided or betrayed or any of the things that happen to a person after however many years on planet earth, far from it. I think that maybe I had hoped that the time before this time was the last time, though really, that might mean that life were over. There are no guarantees in life for anyone, no matter what you’ve already gone through, and no matter what or how much you have or don’t have materially, no matter what you manage to achieve. I was living in fear without realizing it. Perhaps I’m lucky though, that the fear that I most need to conquer is of being happy, or that if I am, that it won’t last.

In all of those things, those times when things were going wrong or went wrong, there were good things too, things so wonderful and amazing that they left me in awe of the beauty that there is in this world, and those are the things that matter. Get up, go on.

Teri Skultety



Categories: Observations, resilience, strength

Believing Again.

I pulled these quotes from other authors from facebook.

From Author Elizabeth Gilbert….
“BITTERNESS
Dear Ones –
I’ve always loved this quote, from WOMEN WHO RUN WITH THE WOLVES, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés.

There is such deep truth in this statement — that all of us will have to choose at some point in our lives whether to become bitter or not. And she is right — the choice usually comes in middle age.
Why? Because if you have been around for three or four or five decades, the fact is — some really crappy things have probably happened to you…just by EXISTING.
You’ve been dumped; you’ve been lied to; you’ve been betrayed; you’ve been physically harmed; you’ve been disappointed; you’ve disappointed yourself; you’ve had people fail you and you have failed yourself; you’ve been fired; you’ve been discriminated against; you’ve been unfairly blamed; you’ve been taken for granted; you’ve been stricken with disease; you’ve been impoverished; you’ve lost the people you loved most in the world; you’ve been screwed and sued and abused and used…
I don’t care who you are, or how pretty your life may look from the outside — after a certain number of years, it’s just a fact: some shit has gone seriously wrong for you.
But this is where the interesting part begins.
Because now you have choice.
What kind of a person are you going to be, from here on out?
What’s the rest of your life going to look like?
If you decide to become a bitter person, who could blame you? Chances are, you have a list of offenses as long as your arm to justify that choice. The world is a hellhole full of liars and scumbags, and you are its victim, and you can produce 87 reasons to prove it — and nobody can dispute your claims, because it’s all TRUE.

Or, you can become something else.
There are two kinds of happiness, after all. There is “innocent happiness”, and there is “weathered happiness.”
Innocent happiness is the sunshine happiness that comes (usually in youth) when nothing bad has ever happened to you. This is the easiest happiness there is. It’s the gift of not knowing better. It’s sweet and naive and blessed. It’s lovely and sugary…and guaranteed — eventually the world will beat it out of you.
After that, you have a choice. You can turn bitter, or you can embrace what I call “weathered happiness.” There is nothing naive about weathered happiness. It is fought for. (It is often even fought AGAINST.)
Here is how you earn weathered happiness — by fighting for the light, even when all signs points to darkness. You dig through your history with tweezers and you pull up every single scrap of evidence of goodness that has ever happened to you, and build a lifeboat for yourself out of that goodness.
And there is goodness, when you stubbornly search for it.
You hold onto EVERY bit of evidence of grace that the world has ever demonstrated to you — no matter how small or glancing — and you build your new life upon it.
Every person who has ever shown you a kindness – you put them in your file of evidence. (Because even when you were being betrayed by everyone, you were not being betrayed by EVERYONE; there was someone, at some moment, who showed you a kindness…even if it was just for a day. Even if it was just for five minutes on the bus.)
Every act of generosity you ever received, or witnessed, or participated it — you file it away, and cling to it.
Every tiny bit of luck that ever happened to you — even if it’s just finding a penny on a sidewalk — you stuff it in your pocket and you say THANK YOU.
Every moment of beauty you ever got to see — you hoard it.
Most of all, you grab every scrap of evidence that life has MEANING. And if none of the standard paradigms of meaning (standardized religion, for instance) work for you — then you create your own damn meaning.
You take all this evidence of goodness, and you put it in your boat, and you sail that boat away into the LIGHT. Most of all, you absolutely and categorically refuse to become bitter, no matter what the hell WHAT. You leave that to others.
After all that has happened to you, you may say, “My innocence is gone. I will never be the same.”
That is true. You will never be the same
But it’s possible that you will be BETTER.
Up to you.
ONWARD, LG” ( author, Liz Gilbert )

What also sometimes happens in life is that we get bombarded, too much at once, or too many things in a row, and that can make it feel or seem like a difficult or trying time is never going to end. And then there are all of the issues of forgiveness.

To say that I’ve been through the proverbial wringer more than once would be something of an understatement. It takes time to get to the place again of understanding and knowing that forgiving other people isn’t about them or for them, that that is for me. It takes time after that to be able to do it, to forgive, to let it go, to let go of the hurt.

 And then is the place of forgiving one’s self.
Having cut loose of every other thing of whatever else whoever else did or didn’t do, then there’s dealing with myself and forgiving myself for being human as well, for being fallible and imperfect. I’m quite good at pin pointing my own mistakes so it makes things acutely clear in some instances though hopefully that will help in avoiding those same mistakes in the future, and for being afraid.

You would think that after going through so much of whatever it is in life and being alive for this long and surviving…What is there to be afraid of?

Believing again.
Believing again that things will be good, that it isn’t all going to go to hell in a hand basket again the moment that I let myself believe in something good or trust someone or allow myself to enjoy something or be happy. Believing again that life can be good again, that it is good, and that it’s all right to forgive myself for not having been perfect, for not having lived up to my own expectations.

The idea of believing again is terrifying because it wasn’t the first time that the rug’s been pulled out from under me, or that I’d been blindsided or betrayed or any of the things that happen to a person after however many years on planet earth, far from it. I think that maybe I had hoped that the time before this time was the last time, though really, that might mean that life were over. There are no guarantees in life for anyone, no matter what you’ve already gone through, and no matter what or how much you have or don’t have materially, no matter what you manage to achieve. I was living in fear without realizing it. Perhaps I’m lucky though, that the fear that I most need to conquer is of being happy, or that if I am, that it won’t last.

In all of those things, those times when things were going wrong or went wrong, there were good things too, things so wonderful and amazing that they left me in awe of the beauty that there is in this world, and those are the things that matter. Get up, go on.

Teri Skultety



Categories: Observations, resilience, strength

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