private hours

And I cry
not out
yet forward
into the void
into the shallow depths
into the wondering
if you mean to feed me
or bid that i might go without
that shared smoke
digits touching
because that is my wanting

that scrawl on the walls
bloody from the stains
of my all natural finger paints
i made last night
because when the store bought ones are gone
i know how to make my own
for the hieroglyphs and pictogram
to spell it strong

i want to say
baby baby baby
i want the fortress
of your arms around me
i didn’t sleep today
i didn’t eat
wicked ways that aren’t
the breaking of a heart
that only wants you in it
and all the other things
are just what i’ve yet to wash off
in the rain
with your hands